Friday, June 27, 2008

Chapter 9 - Stages in Relational Escalation

While we do not necessarily realize we are going through stages in our relationships we are. In Chapter 9 there is discussion about the 5 stages of a relationship escalation.
The first step is initiating. This refers to behavior in regards to contacting someone.
Next is experimenting. This is small talk.
Third is Intensifying which is when people get to know more intimate details.
Fourth is intergrating is when the two personalities begin to form into one (2 church choices become one, classes taken are taken together etc).
Finally there is bonding. This is when the relationship is declared to society as an existing relationship, this typically is done by a wedding, or becoming "blood siblings".
When I think about it, every one of my relationships have done this--friendship and dating. My best friend lisa was on the swim team with me in high school and we would talk here and there in the water while we were in the same lane as time progressed we would talk more during practice (yes we would get yelled at for slacking in practice haha) and then I started to hang out with her during the school day. This is the same pattern as I have taken for my ex-fiance. We rode the school bus and would occassionally engage in conversation, hey was easy to do when you are like 7 not to mention the steps vary a little bit because we delvuge information we don't know we shouldnt be so 1-3 go by quickly. Over the years we started to do more things together, eventually we were in the same grade level (I was promoted a year in junior high), so we took classes together, eventually when I moved to California, he moved out here with my family and finally he proposed and we were planing to be married.
So basically no matter what age we are, and what kind of relationship forms, we still proceed into the same stages.

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