In the web lecture there was discussion about construals. There are two kinds:
Independent construal of self - "means that the person views her or himself as separate or unique from others. "
Interdependent construal of self - "means that the person seeks to bond or fit in with others. "
I fit in the independent construal of self category. I believe myself to be different from others. Yea, I admit I have my moments where I like to be like everyone else, but I'm not, so why bother trying to be something I am not. I guess, since I do have the tendency to be both independent and interdependent, that makes it a ambivalent--where can be both, but not a high "dose" of both.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Chapter 15 - Socioemotional selectivity theory
Chapter 15 discusses common family and life-span issues. One important concept is the socioemotional selectivity theory. This theory states that as a person gets older their network of friends become smaller and more associated with people who are emotionally important to them. I believe this is a very true concept. As youth, we want to be popular and have all these friends to hang out with, party etc. As we get older though, the group of friends tends to become smaller and smaller, either because we mature and they don't and we identify it as a problem, or we simply just outgrow people and over time we just stop communicating and hanging out. By the time we reach our elderly age, we have just a select handful of friend of whom we care alot for. By this time we have weeded out people who just were not of similar interest or just not emotionally attached. It is important to have people who care for because time is limited and in the final years, there isn't enough time to deal with the drama of having a large group of friends to deal with.
Chapter 12 - Socially appropriate behaviors
Chapter 12 is about seeking compliance in an interpersonal relationship. One topic discussed is socially appropriate behaviors. Social appropriate behavior are mannerly, courteous and respectful behaviors such as being polite. I believe we all have a certain behavior pattern that is masked when we are in the privacy of our own home. When in public, we behave in a manner that is polite and respectful of others in order to be liked. When we are in our homes, we may still be polite around people in the home, but there is still a difference in the mannerisms. We are multifaced where we have different mannerisms for different circumstances, at least my opinion. I know I sure am this way........unless im an odd ball :)
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Chapter 13 - Conflict Styles
Chapter 13 discusses the ways to deal with conflict. There are five conflicting styles.
1.) Competing - both compete to prove right
2.) Accomodating - cooperatative and unassertive
3.) Collaborating - concern for both parties and be assertive and cooperative
4.) Avoiding/Withdrawing--Withdraw from argument
5.) Compromising - assertive and cooperation
I have a competing personality when it comes to an argument. I am always trying to prove my way is the right way. I have a friend who I argue with alot and we both have a competing personality in the attempt to prove we are right and the other side is wrong. Essentially we both get upset and go to bed mad and maybe the next day well talk. I sometimes wish I had another conflict style, because having the personality I have, I butt heads with people often and creates alot of drama.
1.) Competing - both compete to prove right
2.) Accomodating - cooperatative and unassertive
3.) Collaborating - concern for both parties and be assertive and cooperative
4.) Avoiding/Withdrawing--Withdraw from argument
5.) Compromising - assertive and cooperation
I have a competing personality when it comes to an argument. I am always trying to prove my way is the right way. I have a friend who I argue with alot and we both have a competing personality in the attempt to prove we are right and the other side is wrong. Essentially we both get upset and go to bed mad and maybe the next day well talk. I sometimes wish I had another conflict style, because having the personality I have, I butt heads with people often and creates alot of drama.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Web Lecture - Relationship turning points
One topic that was mentioned in the web lecture was about relationship turning points. Every relationship has a turning point at some time. In fact, many relationships have many turning points. A relationship turning point is when there is a change to be brought within the relationship, such as moving in with each other, the day decide to become intimate, the day to get married, the day for divorce, the day the first born child moves out. There is several points of turning points in a relationship of any kind. Research studies the kinds of turning points, the reactions to the turning points and how one person moves on from the turning point. Each person reacts differently to the various turning points in a relationship and it is important to acknowledge that yes this is a turning point in this relationship, now what am I going to do with this turning point? Am I going to enjoy it or regret it? Such as moving in with someone who you have been dating (or even just a best friend)... will you regret the decision to move in, or will this be the best decision? Each turning point should be assessed carefully, acknowledged and accepted. Turning points are important parts of our lives. So obviously we have to make the best of them.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Chpater 11 - Stages of Coming Apart
Chapter 11 was about the de-escalating of a relationship. Just as there are stages in escalating a relationship, there are 5 stages in de-escalating it.
1.) Differentiating - the separation of the "we" bond to become an "I" bond. We no longer see us as apart of the other person--that we have our own independence.
2.) Circumscribing - this is the change in communication. Disclosure begins to become minimal, and conversations become shallow and superficial.
3.) Stagnating - the emotional difference between the two and they are just going through the motions of being a couple.
4.) Avoiding - Contact becomes non-existant.
5.) Terminating - relationship is over.
These 5 stages are important in a breakup as it helps the emotional progression and it doesn't leave someone in such a distraught thinking this suddenly happened and they find themself unable to move on. Granted in many situations, the other person doesn't realize these phases are taking place, but we need to realize what signs to look for when a break up is about to transpire.
1.) Differentiating - the separation of the "we" bond to become an "I" bond. We no longer see us as apart of the other person--that we have our own independence.
2.) Circumscribing - this is the change in communication. Disclosure begins to become minimal, and conversations become shallow and superficial.
3.) Stagnating - the emotional difference between the two and they are just going through the motions of being a couple.
4.) Avoiding - Contact becomes non-existant.
5.) Terminating - relationship is over.
These 5 stages are important in a breakup as it helps the emotional progression and it doesn't leave someone in such a distraught thinking this suddenly happened and they find themself unable to move on. Granted in many situations, the other person doesn't realize these phases are taking place, but we need to realize what signs to look for when a break up is about to transpire.
Chpater 10 - Equity
Chapter 10 discusses ways to maintain a relationship. One important topic in maintaining a relationship is equity. Equity is the principle of fairness between two people. In any kind of relationship, we need to have a 50/50 relationship in the giving and taking. Can't always have one person doing the traveling to hang out with you, can't always be paying for someone else to do something, etc. After awhile the other person will begin to feel used and violated which would break down the relationship.
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